Fifty
by gaara-o-sand
Summary: Fifty words, fifty stories, and fifty happy ? endings. Second, Codfish. Tobi has always been known as a good boy, but when he decides to make soup, how can he possibly be a bad boy? By reaching for the pepper!
1. Biculturalism

**G-o-S: Hey y'all! my friend (you-neek) and I have decided to have a little competition of sorts... One boring day in English me and her whipped out our dictionaries and picked 50 random words. For every word we picked we had to write a oneshot revolving around that word. So here is my first one! **

**Biculturalism (is the first word!): noun **

**the presence of two different cultures in the same country or region**

**Disclaimer: I dont own Naruto.**

"I don't know why the hell you want to be a Catholic!"

"Well I don't know why the hell you want to be an Atheist!"

"Well I don't know why the hell you both won't fucking shut up!"

It sucked being conjoined twins with different religios beliefs. It sucked even worse for sakon and Ukon because they happened to be having this argument in front of Tayuya.

"I also don't know why the hell you won't take this bullshit argument elsewhere," she said while slamming her fists on a nearby table, her magenta hair falling in disarray around her face.

This 'argument' that Tayuya was speaking of usually took place once or twice a week. The conjoined twins, being bored, would argue and then run to their shared room where they could argue without disturbing others.

However, today was different. Today, Orochimaru-samahad hired a cleaning lady ("Where the fuck did he get one of those," piped Tayuya.) to clean around the humble abode that was, supposedly, supposed to be an impenetrable stronghold. With pink walls.

When asked why the cleaning lady came, Orochimaru just giggled and skipped away.

("I heard the cleaning lady is coming because a new boy is going to be here," said Sakon.

"He's probably Orochimaru-samas' new 'plaything'," remarked Tayuya.)

The point is, the cleaning lady was in Sakon and Ukons bedroom, thus forcing them to cause a public display of argumentation.

"The cleaning lady is in our room," Sakon said, lifting his vehement gaze from his twin.

"Catholic," growled Ukon.

"Shut the fuck up!"

The room that the two were having their public argument was very plush. Almost too plush when knowing that the leader of the evil organisation was ("Slightly pedophilic," muttered Ukon when he first met his boss.) Orochimaru.

The walls were pale pink and adorned with pictures of Orochimaru in various poses. A turquoise rug was rolled onto white carpet.

Cherry side tables flanked two candy apple red sofas.

"Yeah, but that doesn't give you the goddamn right to bitch at eachother in the fucking living room," screeched Tayuya. "What the hell are you arguing about anyway?"

The twins sighed. This was one of the problems with being conjoined. They had no individuality.

"Ukon wants to be a bloody Catholic," said Sakon.

"And Sakon wants to be an Atheist," growled Ukon. The shared body turned away.

Tayuya gave the pair a blank stare. "You guys are fucking idiots."

The twins whipped around. "Why?"

"Ever heard of biculturalism?"

"No."

Tayuya bowed her shoulders and shook her head. She walked over to one of the sofas and took a seat.

"Do you know what a culture is," she asked in disbelief.

Both twins nodded.

"Well why don't you just both be the culture you want to be?"

The twins thought for a second. "Wouldn't it be a bit stupid," pondered Sakon.

"And wouldn't it be a bit contradictory for an Atheist to be in a Catholic church," grumbled Ukon.

Tayuyas shoulders tensed. "Well, why dont' you two both fucking permanently seperate or TAKE MY GODDAMN ADVICE!"

The twins cringed from the power of her voice.

"Fine, we'll try this 'biculturalism' thing," grumbled Sakon.

"Bitch," growled Ukon.

Tayuya began tearing at her red hair in frustration and stormed out of the room in a huff.

"We're not really going to do this 'biculturalism' thing right?"

"Nah."

The pair sat in silence, pondering their predicament.

Ukon turned to his twin. "There's nothing we can do. We can't seperate ourselves with chakra because it would take too much and we would die."

"Nor can we seperate surgically because I wouldnt have a body..."

"So what do we do." asked Sakon.

"There's only one thing we can do."

"What?"

"You'll have to become a Catholic."

"WHAT!" Sakon jumped the shared body up.

"Catholic!"

"Atheist!"

"Catholic!"

"Ath-"

Sakon was cut off by Tayuya bursting dramatically into the room, her red hair wild in her face and her visage contorted with anger. In her hands she held a deadly sharp butcher knife.

"Bloody hell?!! SHUT THE MOTHER FUCK UP!!" she screamed while raising the knife clenched in her hands.

Sakon and Ukon stared at her in terror and dibelief.

And it was on that day that the twins learned that biculturalism was a good thing, and that it was probably a good idea never to mess with a (probably PMS-ing) woman when shes holding a butcher knife.

**G-o-S: So what did ya think??? R&R plz! The next word is codfish!!!!**


	2. Codfish

**G-o-S: Hey! Not many hits, but whatevs! I'm not a review whore, err... Except in real life but thats different! Sorry for taking so long, the Christmas season isn't exactly the best of times for fanfiction! Happy Holidays! Yes, I am politically correct like that.**

**Disclaimer: I DON"T FRICKIN OWN IT!**

**Cod (is the second word!):**

**1.**

**any of several soft-rayed food fishes of the family Gadidae, esp. Gadus morhua, of cool, North Atlantic waters. **

Tobi was a good boy. Everyone knew that Tobi was a good boy. Tobi made it a point to make sure that everyone knew that Tobi was a good boy.

Although...

There was one time when Tobi **hadn't** been a good boy. But it wasn't his fault. At least, not directly...

------

It was a lovely day in Amegakure. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, the bees were busy collecting honey and a rather large boy wearing all black and an orange face mask was skipping towards the base of an apocalyptic organisation called the Akatsuki.

Slung behind his back was a bag of fish, codfish to be exact. He skipped his way beside a stream, and with unusual precision, he skipped to a rock in the middle.

It was Tobis' first day in the Akatsuki organisation, and his first task as a member was to make dinner.

After the mysterious leader of the Akatsuki asked him to get food, Tobi skipped, caught some fish, skipped some more and landed on a rock.

Tobi pulled on the drawstring of the green pack that he was wearing. Yes, they were all there. Eight little fishies for eight little ("DON'T CALL ME THAT!" yelled Deidara after the first time Itachi accidentally, of course saw him naked.) evil doers, including Tobi.

After making sure that he had all the fish he needed, Tobi proceded to walk towards the source of the stremlet, a waterfall.

When he reached the cascading water, Tobi flashed a ring on his left hand at the sheer rock face of the cliff that was flanking the waterfall.

A small tunnel opened.

Tobi bowed his head and allowed himself to be swallowed by the tunnels darkness.

------

The sounds of bashing pots and pans reverberated throughout the extensive fortress.

Itachi looked up from the book he was reading, ("Oh. My. God," Kisame fangirlishly squealed. "You have got to read this book." He held up a copy of Pride and Prejudice, and then took a sip of his Mojito." Itachi declined, but soon, secretly, he bought a copy and, secretly, taped the latest issue of Girls Gone Wild to the cover.)

_What the hell is my idiot of an uncle doing?_

Kisame was washing the fishtank where he kept his family when he heard the clashing sound of pots and pans. He shook his head, took a sip of his Mojito, and continued wiping.

Kakuzu was counting his change. Again. He had to have exactly thirty-seven dollars and fourty cents on his person at all times. But when he heard the clanging, he jumped and scattered his coins, effectively making him lose seventy-five cents.

Hidan was preaching to cockroaches. They infested his room, killing virgins to stay alive wasn't exactly sanitary. But when he heard the clanginig he jumped and squished a cockroach, he thought that the almighty power of God smote (or is it smited?) the unsuspecting beast, not his foot. When he lifted his foot and saw the entrails of the cockroach on his foot, he let loose a tirade of curse words directed at the sky that would make a sailors ears turn red.

Konan, who was recently transferred from Akatsuki-America (_their_ leader was George W, if the rumours are true), was brushing her long blue hair. When she heard the staccato of smashing pots, her wrist tensed, and she pulled a lock of azure hair out of her head.

Tobis partner, Deidara, was working on his masterpeice. It was a sculpture of all nine Jinchuuriki, limbs entwined and mouths snarling. He had been working on it for the last eight months, and was nearly finished. Yet, when he heard the resounding clash, he jumped, tripped over his own two feet and knocked the sculpture over.

"Holy mother of fuck," he whispered, "IT'S GOING TO BLOW!!!!!"

------

Eight cloaked figures jumped out of holes on the cliff face.

Behind them came eruptions and fire spewing out of the very holes that the Akatsuki had just jumped out of. The limestone at the top of the edifice collapsed and crashed down to the water below.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!" the mysterious Akatsuki leader cried. His face was bathed in shadow, even though it was a perfectly sunny day and there was nothing to cast a shadow off of.

Knowing that it was futile to resist, Deidara raised a mouthed hand.

"It was I, un."

"What happened?"

"I was working on a sculpture and I was surprised by the clanging, so I jumped and knocked it over and now our base," he faltered. "Blew up," he whispered.

And just of good measure, "Un."

Tobi raised his hand.

"I made him jump, Leader-kun. I was reaching for the pepper and the pots fell down."

All of the Akatsuki started murmuring and Tobi held up a pot.

"I brought food."

Kisames eyes brightened.

"Ooh," he squealed. "What is it?"

"Codfish soup."

KIsame eyes closed and he fainted in a faint, blue, fishy heap.

**G-o-S: R and R plz!** **Sorry for posting twice! I spotted an error.**


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